The “Awws” of Us

Being in a relationship is not pure bliss. Masaya, pero hindi palagi. May panahon na magkakatampuhan kayo, magkakasamaan ng loob at magkaka-iyakan. Kung matagal ka nang nasa relasyon at hindi mo pa nae-experience na magkagalit kayo ng special someone mo, check mo yung sarili mo: either napaka-perfect niyong dalawa or inexistent ang lovelife mo. Or sige, I’ll give you this one – magaling kang magdeny.

image taken from
http://cnnphilippines.com/entertainment/2018/07/28/Kathryn-Bernardo-Daniel-Padilla-The-Hows-of-Us.html
and edited for this blog. No copyright infringement intended.

Lanie and I watched the How’s of Us ng Kathniel and good thing, tama ang mga reviews na nabasa ko about the movie: papaiyakin ka nga niya. Bakit ba, e mababaw ang luha ko. Haha! Unlike dito kay manong na hindi marunong umiyak.

From trivial things to deliberate neglect, the movie made me realize that when things are left unchecked, these might cause great damage sa relationship.

From miscommunication to no communication at all

Learn how to express yourself to your partner. Hindi pwede yung naghuhulaan kayo ng nararamdaman ng bawat isa. Over time you will learn about the body language and gestures ng kasama mo but it doesn’t hurt to communicate yourself lalo na kung malalaking bagay ang involved. Speak of your plans for the future, of your fears sa mga nangyayari sa buhay mo, or even your problems sa pamilya o sa trabaho.

When you keep things to yourself, you are sending a message na hindi mahalaga ang significant other mo when it comes to decision making or even yung moral support niya doesn’t even matter. It takes discernment kung ano ang mga dapat mong ibahagi sa kanya pero ang bottom line, whatever you think na dapat niyang malaman, ipaalam mo sa kanya.

Don’t blur the lines of communication. Kung sobrang mahalaga ang information, wag nang daanin sa paligoy-ligoy, which might be interpreted wrong. Maganda lang ang mga pa-decode-decode kapag nagpapa-impress ka sa “lambing efforts” mo, pero sa mga vital details na dapat pag-usapan, mas malinaw mas maganda.

Larger than life expectations

Baka naman ang taas masyado ng standards mo at hindi mo na nakikitang capable magkamali ang partner mo. Level your expectations. You can’t pattern your relationship with those of the movies. Yung kanila bunga ng malikhaing isip ng mga scriptwriters at directors. Yung sayo, bunga ng pag-ibig sayo ng Diyos. And His ways are higher! Tuturuan ka kung paano maging submissive, maging mas loving, maging mas patient, maging mas reliable at marami pang iba. So para hindi masakit ang pagbagsak mo kung sakaling masaktan ka man ng taong mahal mo, gawin mong realistic ang mga expectations mo.

What I am saying is this: marami ang nag-aaway dahil ang tinitignan nilang basehan ng dapat maging actions ng partner nila ay ang nakikita nila sa ibang tao, o sa sinasabi ng iba. Mga “should be’s”. Unwritten rules, kumbaga. You don’t expect your boyfriend to bring flowers or chocolates every monthsary lalo na kung hindi siya ganun ka-expressive at allergic siya sa flowers. You can’t expect your girlfriend to always like the color pink dahil dapat pink ang favorite ng mga babae. Hindi natin sila pwedeng ikahon dahil lang sa may “pattern” na ang mundo. We are all wired differently, and that is what makes human relationships beautiful, otherwise ang boring kung pare-pareho lang tayo lahat. So lower your expectations and be surprised.

Insensitivity and being too stingy with appreciation

Ohhh, yes. Naakainis ito. Being insensitive to the needs of the other person makes one feel so unimportant. Madalas na problema ito ng mga babae sa mga lalaki. Women are sending signals to show that they need attention, or they need something pero men are often clueless kung ano ba ang gustong sabihin ng mga babae. There is a major difference in wavelength kaya naman napaparatangang insensitive ang mga lalaki. Kasi naman, kung pwede namang gawing mas malinaw para wala nang naghuhulaan. Hahaha! Pero hindi ganun e, kaya guys, learn to discover what makes her tick, and what makes her smile. Develop the skill of being sensitive sa mga needs niya and spare yourself from a lot of smirk and K replies.

It also go the other way, girls. Akala niyo a. Men are also in need of attention and appreciation. Minsan men desire to be given care and to receive fruits of effort din. It takes two to tango, it is not always about you. Check the person kung kumusta ang araw niya, kung napapagod ba siya or gusto rin ba niya ng chocolate kahit hindi naman siya dinadatnan ng monthly period. Iba ang pakiramdam ng lalaki when he feels valued and his efforts are appreciated. It will be shown in his actions towards her woman.

Fighting the battle alone

Medyo related sa unang point but let me elaborate this one. You are meant to fight the battle as a team, and not individually. While the man is expected to be lead the relationship, the woman doesn’t have to remain a passive observer. It has to be partnership. Kapag nanghihina na ang isa, yung isa ang magiging rescue and strength. Kung napapagod na yung isa, the one has to keep the relationship moving while assisting the other person.

Ang laban ay hindi para lang sa isang tao, lalo na hindi para lang sa kung sino ang mukhang malakas. You fight together, hindi you fight one another. You pray together and for each other, you struggle together and at the end of the fight, you celebrate together. Kapag laging sinosolo ang problema na dapat sinosolusyunan ng dalawa, nasisira ang pagsasama. Habang nabu-burn out ang isang party, nananatiling clueless ang isa. Habang napapagod ang isa, ang isa naman ay nagtatanong sa kanyang sarili kung may silbi ba siya.

May mga individual battles tayo, meron ding pang-couple. Don’t fight couple-sized problems alone. Don’t deprive your partner the joy of overcoming an obstacle that is meant for both of you. Imagine this: kung sa dalawang paa mo, puro kanan lang ang ginagamit mo, what would happen? Madadapa ka kasi imbalanced. Kung sakali naman na magtagumpay ka using your one foot alone, magiging malakas nga ang paa na yun pero ang isa, manghihina. Imbalanced pa rin. Lastly, makakausad ka nga, pero mabagal naman at eventually you will wear yourself out, ruining not just your active foot but your other foot as well and soon your whole body. Relationship is just like walking with both feet.

Broken promises and misdirection

When we are in a relationship, there has to be a clear direction. Kung mag-boyfriend and girlfriend pa lang kayo, the direction must be marriage syempre. Otherwise lokohan lang yan at walang patutunguhan. Hindi pwede na papasok ka sa relationship just for a short period of time tapos wala lang. Ano ka, trial version?

So if there is no clear direction kung saan kayo patungo, this poses a big problem, na dapat masolusyunan agad. Misdirection can be costly. Costly kasi maaaring masayang ang panahon, resources and attention mo sa relasyon na hindi naman pala kapareho ng pinapangarap mo. Kaya sa simula pa lang, there has to be common goal, common direction. Dapat iisa kayo ng nais patunguhan.

Even with promises. Many relationships have been ruined dahil sa mga pangakong hindi natutupad. It applies to both parties but let me talk to the men. Men, be wise enough and committed enough to speak a promise and fulfill it. Pangatawanan natin ang ating mga ipinapangako. Promises fulfilled are marks of integrity. If we cannot fulfill our vows, can we be trustworthy enough to handle a relationship well?


As I am writing this piece, naku ang dami kong gustong sabihin. This is loosely based on the movie pero siguro may kaunting parallelism na rin. Napakaraming bagay na nakakasira sa relationships, hence the “awws”. If we can take down these “little foxes” head on, we can spare ourselves from major “awws”. But take these down as a team. Ipanalangin.

Note: I am not endorsing “live-in” set-ups, and as I use the term “partner” here, I wish to promote a God-glorifying man-woman romantic relationship. Also, while I am primarily speaking to unmarried couples, I believe these all applies to married couples as well.