How to Pray for Someone who "Hates" You

It is normal for a relationship to have petty quarrels from time to time. However, some disagreements turn fierce especially when someone has “crossed the line”. Until one party realizes that this “hate” moment must be watered down. In this case, what is the proper way to respond? Is it enough to just “turn the other cheek”?

While some couldn’t care less when people are not in good terms with them, there are those who cannot sleep well when they think they have offended a person in one way or another. Some of us are so concerned that there might be individuals we are not aware of who are actually holding grudges against us. This concern may rob us of peace (and sleep!).

In case you have these thoughts running through your head, the best thing to do is to pray for yourself and for them. But what specific item will you pray about?

Pray for covering.

Words, be it blessing or cursing, have power. When a person is angry, sometimes he/she hurls insulting words that are likened to fiery darts – damaging and deadly. The enemy likes it when there is strife between people, because he thrives when hatred is present. Pray that both of you will be covered by God’s grace until the issue is settled. Our enemy is not We don’t want the enemy to manipulate us with his schemes.

Pray for blessing.

You may find this challenging especially when you are hurt yourself, but as Christians, this is the right thing to do. Pray no matter how harsh he/she treats you, it will still go well with him/her. As 1 Peter 3:9 says, “do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing”. We should never pray for someone to suffer, no matter the “evil” they did to us.

Pray for kindness.

Our prayers must not be an end in itself, especially when you have the ability to extend kindness to that person. Let your words be backed up with action. Be genuinely kind, as Proverbs 25:21-22 puts it: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." We can’t always expect kindness on their part but we can always extend kindness from our end.

Pray for forgiveness.

Because of God’s grace, we have received indescribable forgiveness for the offenses we have done – intentional or not. I believe that forgiven people are forgiving people. You may know the value of extending forgiveness to those who has hurt you but the other party may find it hard to grasp because of the pain he/she experienced. Pray that he/she will not be overcome by anger but rather he/she will learn to forgive.

Pray for reconciliation.

Seek to win the person, not to win the argument. In doing so you may need to let go of your ego so you will be seen genuine. Sometimes it doesn’t matter who is right and wrong, what matters is you settle the issue because you both value the relationship. Pray that you will both agree that someone has crossed boundaries, and resolve to not allow it to happen again.

Pray for wisdom.

It is equally important that as you seek for reconciliation, you also pray for wisdom. Wisdom often comes in the form of humility, or even in the kind of words we say. Nevertheless, pray that you will not overreact (or underreact) however he/she responds to your desire for reconciliation. Also pray that you will no longer add insult to the injury by repeating the same thing that made him/her upset.

In all of these, the underlying principle is love. We seek for reconciliation and forgiveness because we love the person. It applies to all kinds of relationship. Ephesians 4:32 says, “be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Christ’s love compels us to love others, and at times it prompts us to seek peace with others even when we think have the choice not to do so.