How Not to Be A Toxic Person

Admit it, we don’t like toxic people. They drain our energy. They keep us either worried or irritated. They suck out life from us. A toxic person in a relationship drags the other party down and is often the cause of arguments.

It is easy to point fingers when the other party is the one toxic and not us. But what if we are the toxic person? How do we help ourselves to be better? 

Appreciate big and small things

One thing about toxic people is that they often complain about anything. They rant about politics, about the economy, about celebrities, about their job, their friends, their family members, and their situation. Very seldom you will hear them appreciate things because they look at life through the lens of negativities.

Be mindful that most people don’t want to be around a person who complains a lot. So, if you complain often, and people seem to distance from you, perhaps you’re becoming too toxic for them.

Learn to appreciate things and people. See the bright side in every situation. Begin to say thanks and express positive remarks. When things go wrong and you are tempted to burst into a complaining mode, take deep breaths, and tell yourself to calm down. Even if the things you are to say are true, remember that not all truth needs to be said at any given moment.

Practice by noticing things in people around you, especially in your partner. Appreciate their clothes if you find it neat, appreciate their smile or eyes, their countenance, and warm personality, their efforts to keep you, their progress in life no matter how slow their pace. If you will just be mindful of these small things, you will never run out of things to appreciate. If you still find it difficult to be appreciative, commune with nature and it will show you a lot of things to thank God for – the skies, the sun, the trees, the birds, the air we breathe, and the list goes on.

Complaining ends when appreciation begins. So, choose to appreciate it.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Accept changing circumstances

Reality check: not everything we desire will fall right into our lap. No matter how hard we pray over things, we still have to learn to accept NO for an answer. In order for a seed to grow, it must be buried in the ground. In that darkness and solitary place, it begins to take root and fortify its foundations. The same thing is true with us. God allows us to go through difficult situations in order for us to grow our faith and dependence on Him.

We need to be more accepting of our circumstances. This does not mean we are to be content, wait for things to get better, and choose not to act on it. To be accepting means trusting God no matter how life treats you. To be accepting means that you are confident God is with you as you go through life. They say life is like a photograph, we develop from the negatives. And God is our Master Photographer.

A toxic person wants things to be just as he wants it to be. He gets frustrated when things turn differently. If you have this tendency to be infuriated when the situation gets overboard, you need to be more accepting. Expand your capacity to accept changes and learn to “play the game”.

In a relationship, you cannot control everything, neither you should control everything. There are things you need to accept especially when it’s not that significant. Sometimes, we tend to major on the minor things that we forget there are important matters to attend to. Learn to accept that some things are beyond your control and spare yourself from unnecessary heartaches.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Affirm and work through your emotions

In order not to be a toxic person, you need to learn to be flexible. The common problem why people throw fits of rage is that they cannot accommodate changes when it comes. They refuse to get out of their comfort zone so they try to avoid changes often by attacking it. Yet change is as constant as the rising and setting of the sun.

If you’ve ever tried working out for the first time, or maybe after a long time, you probably have experienced muscle pains. These pains feel uncomfortable but through constant exposure to strains and pressure, it will get stronger and will develop muscles. Life’s like that. We grow through what we go through.

Anticipating changes expands our capacity as a person. We become flexible. We become more accommodating. Giving allowance for people and things will free you from being frustrated most of the time. To anticipate change also means giving God the liberty to direct our lives.

The key to mastering your emotions is to accept that you have this tendency to be toxic. It starts with an admission of your need to be chiseled out. Toxicity is believing that everyone around you has a problem to deal with. If you cannot accept the fact that you need help, you will certainly not get any better.

Work through your emotions. The people around you will be very much happy to help you. Be vulnerable and allow yourself to grow more glorious.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7