Letting Go, Letting God

The secret of lasting joy is in letting go and letting God.

It was against logical reasoning, and those around me are ready to throw their accusations once I’ve decided to choose the illogical, the “unreasonable”. But I know I had to take a stand, though it cost me people’s unfavorable response. It’s painful, yes, but that’s the way it has to be.

I’ve learned that joy is exceedingly different than the term happiness. The latter is fleeting, while joy is something you cannot easily define or explain. In the conquest of true and lasting joy comes the greatest paradox I have learned (and am still learning) — the secret of lasting joy is in letting go of your personal desires and allowing Someone to take His rightful place in your life. This is what I call “dethroning myself” or sometimes, “crucifying myself”. This self-crucifixion has apparently affected major areas in my life, and to tell you, it hurts, but the wounds are inevitable, to receive what I’m longing for.

Peeling off the apple [of my eye]

After consecutive failures in finding the right one, I thought she would be the end of my search. Everything seems to be perfect, and so she is. Everyone thought of us as a perfect match and has given us a glimpse of what they think our future would be. Weaving the intricacies of our lives, I’ve found out surprising coincidences that make me think our love story is God-approved. But I am wrong. One cannot put God’s works in coinciding events and many times He doesn’t approve to what the majority says.

I have to peel off the apple, no matter how pleasing things look on the surface. I’ve found out that the longer I try to keep for myself what God forbids me to have yet, the deeper I drown in the depths of selfish desires. God is no longer enthroned in my life because someone has taken His place already. Until God told me enough is enough.

People misunderstood me, even my parents. Friends have deserted me, and I have a feeling that they blame me for everything negative that happened. Well, I believe I too have my share, but ultimately I want to follow God’s directions.

Now that the apple has been peeled off, I know what’s waiting for me is the assurance that God has total control over my life. What’s laid in front of me is peeled off apple, ready to be partaken, but soon to be revealed.

***

And this, mind you, was written seven years ago. I am still on a journey, still popping the question: "Lord, siya na po ba?", "Lord, am I done waiting?" All I get is silence, but a reassuring silence.

God is so gracious, He wants me to trust in Him more than I trusted Him before. He wants me to look at His face than marvel at any random girl's beauty because He is the author of such beauty. And He is beauty, glory, and majesty Himself! He assures me that He is not withholding anything good, rather He is reserving the best - someone who will take away all the pains in the past and mend all wounds my failures have caused. Yes, after seven years of writing this note, I am still with my 21 year old self putting my faith that the secret of lasting joy is in letting go and letting God.